Love probably does not hurt. Insecurity in relationships, however, is excruciating. You are constantly worried that you are going to be abandoned or that your lover is off looking elsewhere for love.
Here are my top three tips for overcoming security in relations and restoring your peace of mind:
1. Start valuing yourself more. This may not seem like a way out at first, but you need to understand that your insecure in relationships stems from self doubt. "Why would he or she want to be with me … (" when they could be with someone so much better "being the subtext)? , your physical beauty too, and you will discover your insecure in relationships beginning to subside.
Not only that, but by default you'll become more desirable because people who genuinely feel good "in their own skin" are attractive and good to be around.
2. Ask yourself if it's true. For heavens' sake, do not ask your lover this! But do ask yourself. If there's no way to be sure, then it is equally true to say (to yourself) that it is not happening! Why would you want to torture yourself with self made horror stories and exacerbate your insecure in relationships, when you could figure out that you're just telling yourself an unfounded lie that's making everyone's life uncomfortable.
To fully understand my point here, re-read tip number one! Unless you have good reason to think it is true, (which I'll deal with in tip 3), you are creating your own self torture – and that does not make sense. It is just your own voracious need for reassurance – which will drive anyone away in the end! You can not keep someone close by exhibiting your insecure in relationships like a hurt. That does not attract love anyway. It might attract sympathy for a while, but that's no basis for a relationship!
3. Get over it – it happens! Now this may seem like a strange idea for diminishing your insecure in relationships to the size of a pinhead, but where did you learn that that the rules say that relationships run according to the rules in your head? It does not mean that it's okay for anyone to have in this way, or treat you in such a way – I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying do not take it personally! That relationship was not right for you, that's all. Have you ever been disappointed that a restaurant you thought was going to serve delicious food actually came up with a very average menu? The restaurant owner did not do that especially for you – but you know you will not eat there again. It is not about you!
The same principle is true for relationships – and your insecure in relationships. Once you get that the other person has his or her own issues, (call them problems if it makes you feel better), then you can just tell yourself that they missed a great opportunity to spend time with you – and walk away.
Your dignity is intact, your ego is far less bruised, and you'll have no need to carry any sense of insecurity in relations into the next encounter.
Love is just one life's greatest adventures, that's all! Live it, love it, and move on if you have to. But whatever you do, do not let insecure in relations keep you from it!